Quick guide to get a girlfriend using Linux
or diminish her cool Mac laptop.чорд, у меня не должно быть женщины
Гы, ты не учёл главную фишку оригинала %)
Оставить комментарий
or diminish her cool Mac laptop.чорд, у меня не должно быть женщины
Viktory-s
Взято отсюда: http://www.bunchos.com/_wp/?page_id=3Quick guide to get a girlfriend using Linux
By Armando Wall
This guide is pretty straightforward. No introductions, lectures or philosophing about love. Follow it from beginning to end, and you might get a woman today!
Contents
* Section I: Preparation.
* Section II: Getting down to business.
* Section III: Congratulations!
SECTION I - PREPARATION
Looks requirements:
Yup, there are looks requirements in order to pick up girls. If you are so thin you look like a esparragus or if you are morbidly obese, the road is gonna be rough. You might still get a chance, but it’s better if you look at least average or a bit below average. If you are too thin, start eating bread, lots of bread daily (about 16 slices per day) and for three months. If you are too fat, hmmm, I’ve been there but it can be done. Eat healthy, just three meals and one snack per day, and walk 2 miles daily and for three months. YMMV, though. Visit your dietitian.
What doesn’t matter:
- Skin color.
- Height.
- Age.
- Thickness of glasses frames.
What DOES matter:
- Hygiene: Please, don’t smell! Shower daily and wear deodorant. Wear some cologne.
- No nose picking, ear picking, crotch scratching, burping or farting in front of your target. If if itches too much, or if the fart is in the tip of your buttocks, go to the privacy of a restroom.
- If you are eating, make no sounds while chewing. This is very important. And in case you haven’t learned this by now, eat with your mouth closed.
Personality requirements:
Absolutely none. Isn’t it cool? Well, it might help if don’t call her bitch or diminish her cool Mac laptop.
System requirements:
Any Linux box will do, but it MUST have a graphical interface, such as KDE, Gnome, even Fluxbox will work. You must have installed an editor capable of rich-text format, or a web browser. A picture viewer or a video viewer is also recommended. It’s a plus if your Linux box is a laptop.
Introducing the strategy:
For every type of man, there’s a woman attracted to it: The sports dude has fans, the artistic dude has groupies and the intellectual dude has admirers. The geek kind of intellectual has inflatable dolls for the most part, and even though almost no women are attracted to this type, the key part here is “almost”, which also means that there’s hope - almost none, but that’s about to change! If scumbags can have girlfriends, you can also, and we are going to use their strategy. The scumbag strategy.
In every field (sports, arts, etc there are real winners, real losers and scumbags. The real winners are those for whom it’s so easy to get women. We hate them, but for now, we can ignore them as we’ll soon taste victory as well. The real losers are those who are naturally oriented to fail with women. This is the part where we are going to (and have to!) get real: You are a real loser. That’s what you are. Admit it for once and for all. Being a loser requires almost no effort on your part. It’s so natural it shouldn’t feel bad. It should feel good. Embrace your loserness. Repeat to yourself with pride, with satisfaction: “I’m a loser, I’m a loser”. Smile. Embrace it, because once you stop fighting it, you’ll be able to use it for your transformation. No, you are not going to become a real winner. You are going to become a scumbag. A successful scumbag.
Scumbags are losers who will do anything possible in order to make the woman undoubtely believe that they are winners. This is what you’ll become. You might not fool the real winners, but who cares about them, as long as you get women?
Scumbags take advantage of one very simple fact about women: they like men with power (as in money, skills, physical strenght or fame). Thus, scumbags will make women believe that they have power.
Of course, scumbags will try to use any skills they already possess. In your case, you’ll use your Linux skills. Now let’s get down to business!
SECTION II: GETTING DOWN TO BUSINESS
The first thing to do is to get her look at your Linux box. You can use any excuse. If you accomplish this, you’ll have half the battle won. After that, it’s all about saying the right stuff, and she’ll be yours! Use any excuse to attract her to your screen, be it lame or clever, it doesn’t matter. “Is this Tom Cruise in a thong?” will work as well as “Hey, you look great on pink panties in this picture!”.
As soon as she is about to check your screen, if you used a lie to attract her, make it seem like you accidentally closed the window. Now, the good part! You have to act quickly, or she might be gone in seconds!
Go to page 2 >>
SECTION III - CONGRATULATIONS!
If you got this far, congratulations! You now have a girlfriend! Now you know what winners have been experiencing all these times. At this point you experienced what dating is about and how a kiss feels like. If you want to experience what sex feels like, all you need to do is repeat the procedures described in section 2.4 at least three times and do two more examples of section 2.14. If you are pursuing a threesome, it is recommended that you follow again sections 2.16, 2.17 and 2.18, this time backwards.
Welcome to your new life and don’t hesitate to send me your testimonies. I sure would like to hear from you and your girlfriend!
Best three testimonies so far:
Ronald Thomson (32 Portland, ME, USA:
Armando, I can not thank you more! Three years ago this fine lady moved to the building across the street. She’s beautiful! I’ve seen her at the grocery shop, but no way in hell I could mutter a word when I was around her. I could see her bathroom from my window. Unfortunately, there’s a curtain, so all I admired (and videotaped) was her silouette. The tapes surely served me well during those lonely saturday nights for three years. Until I stumbled upon your guide. So I grabbed my Slackware Laptop and decided to go after her. Today we are happily married and waiting for our second daughter. Thank you, Armando!
Marcelo Gianco (19 Sao Paulo, Brazil:
This guide is amazing. Thursday night is ladies’ night here at my collegue’s library. That means that female students will get three extra days on their book loans. Of course, the place is swarning with yearning ladies (yearning to read, that is). Every Thursday I get into the library, go to this book search station loaded with Debian Linux (Woody, old, but useful to my purposes and come out of the building with a beautiful conquist, ready to rock (and read) for the weekend.
Jörg Svenson (47 Oslo, Norway:
Thanks much Armando. Your guide recommended by doctor (mind doctor). Doctor said jeg needed friends, especially girl friends. But jeg no skills at all! Jeg loser of group. But your guide for losers, like me! So guide perfect for me. Jeg mac person, but have friends Linux fan. Jeg borrowed friends lap top pc with Linux. First try not work, because lap top didn’t batteries, jeg thinke